New Beginings
Its been a while since I put my thoughts to writing. Work and dissapointments are a contributing factor. So the fooler becomes the fool. Steve did not show up, nor communicated, nada, nothing! As much as I want to hope pray, believe put all I can into it, that was my cue to move on. But he did the damage, the pain was literal in my heart. I could feel it for real. How bad can I be, I kept asking me self. Everyone keeps telling me, no you deserve better, communication, I tried for real I did. I put my best foot forward. But the closing was there, as much as I did not want it, I had to cross that line. I did tell him how I felt, and that he had achieved his goal.
I have been watching Army Wives season 3 and it has really helped me through. Denise is caught cheating on her husband Frank, she is fired from work, her friends walk out on her, her Frank files for a divorce, the man she has an affair with leaves her for his ex…yaani she pays for her sins, right left and center. But what caught me was when she confronted Michael, Claudia Joys husband, as he had been judging her. Yet everyone had started forgiving her and she told him, yes I made a mistake and I am going to pay for my sin for the rest of my life. But I am not going to continue being sorry about it, I have apologised enough, I cannot go back to the past and change what happened. But I am going to focus on the future and try correct my what I did wrong. But I will not live being sorry for something I cannot change!!!
There thats me, I did a mistake I am not denying it, I hurt someone, but for how long am I going to pay for that sin? For how long am I going to apologize for it, for how long am I going to beat myself about it, judge my self about it…. the back ends here, today! I cannot change the past but I can change the future. And I cannot do that wallowing over what is undo able. So past, your buried! Future I embrace you! I know it is going to be hard, there are days I will feel so down, and all what happened floods back but, with God’s help I will survive!
